Why I dread going to doctor appointments

Here we are again: I have new symptoms. And no, I am not excited about seeing more doctors.

After spending 10 years searching for a diagnosis before finally finding out I have myasthenia gravis, I now limit my medical appointments to only the most urgent and important ones. I no longer have the energy or patience to chase answers endlessly. Yet, the fear remains.

What exactly do I fear?

I fear the unknown. When I walk into a waiting room, I never know what kind of environment I’ll be stepping into. Will I be surrounded by people with similar conditions? Will I hear hopeful stories, or will I leave feeling worse than when I arrived?

I fear the doctor’s approach. Will they be open and communicative, or will they brush off my concerns? Will they take the time to explain their thoughts, or will I hear the dreaded “Are you a doctor? Why are you asking so many questions?” Sorry for wanting to understand what’s happening in my own body!

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I fear the discomfort — the cold medical instruments, the awkwardness of undressing for an exam, the unfamiliar feeling of being analyzed and inspected.

I fear the waiting. The endless waiting. Waiting for blood test results. Waiting for scan interpretations. Waiting for a new exam — one that no one even warned me about.

I’ve been in situations where I had to wait for a test I’d never even heard of. If I don’t have time to Google the procedure, I panic. Not knowing what to expect makes my anxiety spiral.

I fear misdiagnosis. What if the doctor misses something important? What if they send me in the wrong direction? What if this becomes another long, frustrating journey to nowhere?

I fear the results. If they come back negative, I feel disappointed — still no answers, still more uncertainty. If they come back positive, I fear what’s next. Will this new condition be another lifelong battle? Will it be a “best friend” condition that I can manage? Or a “bitter friend” condition that takes over my life?

How do I cope with medical anxiety?

For me, it all comes down to preparation, people, and faith.

I mentally rehearse a doctor appointment before it happens. I run through every possible conversation, preparing myself for both friendly and dismissive doctors, and for good and bad news.

I write down all my important questions and try to phrase them in a way that doesn’t overwhelm the doctor.

I also research — not to diagnose myself, but to understand possible explanations. This helps me follow the doctor’s reasoning and ask the right questions.

I try to never go alone.

Even though I try to refuse to let my boyfriend come with me, I secretly love knowing that he’s always ready to support me. Sometimes I bring my parents. And if no one is available? I turn my doctor appointment into a social event, texting friends and asking if they want to “hang out” with me at the clinic.

Having someone there makes a huge difference. It helps to have company in the waiting room and to have someone to process the news with, whether it’s bad or good.

At the end of the day, I put my faith in God.

I believe that everything happens for a reason — to teach me a lesson, to make me stronger, or to guide me toward advocacy. Whatever condition comes my way, I choose to welcome it with strength and acceptance.

Embracing the journey

It’s natural to feel uneasy about medical appointments. No one enjoys them. They’re rarely tied to happy moments. But life is made up of both good and bad experiences, and I try to embrace each part of it.

I don’t like adding new symptoms to my list. I don’t like waiting for results. I don’t like feeling vulnerable in front of doctors. But I also know that fear doesn’t stop time from moving forward. The tests will still come. The results will still arrive. My body will still change, whether I want it to or not.

So I remind myself: Whatever happens, I’ll handle it — just like I always have.

Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.