A self-care day results in unexpected troubles, new lessons

For the first time in a while, I decided to do something that was low maintenance but would help me feel like the “old Shawna.”

My thought process was good: I’d practice self-care by taking the afternoon to myself, first going out to lunch and then getting a set of acrylic nails. But the latter part didn’t quite pan out as I’d anticipated.

I used to get my nails done every other week before I enlisted in the Army in 2007. But my latest experience wasn’t like I’d remembered it. This time, the thing that stood out to me most was how heavy the nails were. I don’t recall a set of acrylic nails ever feeling heavy before. I’m not sure if it was because the nail technician was new or my fingers and hands are just that weak because of myasthenia gravis (MG).

I hadn’t gotten my nails done since I was diagnosed with MG six years ago. It can be difficult for me to refrain from comparing the here-and-now me with the old me. This recent outing reminded me that comparison is the thief of joy.

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Those acrylic nails that had cost me $60 didn’t stay on for long. They felt heavy and were affecting my ability to type, so less than a week later, I took them off.

To replace them, I ordered some high-quality press-on nails. I removed the acrylic nails and applied the press-on ones. My hands felt so much better!

The $12 press-on nails lasted only about a week, too, but I wasn’t being gentle with them. I realized that while I’m the kind of gal who likes the pretty nails, I’m also the hard-working farm girl who’s not afraid to grab a screwdriver and get my hands dirty. I didn’t mind that the cheaper ones had lasted only a week, because I’d expected it.

Getting back to self-care with MG

At this point, I’m sure you’re wondering what in tarnation getting my nails done has to do with MG — particularly if you couldn’t care less about nails and primping. Believe it or not, I learned a lot about myself and my journey with MG because of those silly little “thangs.”

One thing I learned from this experience is that self-care is important even if it doesn’t turn out how you envisioned it. I had this grandiose idea about what I wanted to get out of the day. My hopes might’ve been dashed eventually, but I still got time to myself that allowed me to just breathe for a while.

I couldn’t use my phone while I was getting my nails done, so I just sat there in silence and tried to keep my mind from wandering to the dozens of items on my to-do list. I focused on being present in the moment, which is something I think everyone could practice a little more.

I also realized how in tune with my body I really am, and how deeply the muscle weakness and fatigue caused by MG reaches.

The final lesson that really stuck out was the importance of setting realistic expectations. MG can take a lot from us, and in my search for ways to feel like the old me, it only reaffirmed that I’m not her anymore. I used to get upset about this, and the grief cycle would start all over again. I do still mourn for her, but I don’t get as upset as before.

Setting a realistic expectation of myself means acknowledging, understanding, and accepting that I’m not the old me, and that’s OK.

So here’s to continuing my exploration of self-care! Just no more acrylic nails.

Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.