I wanted to believe my twin had learned to make peace with MG

“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” — From the 2002 film “The Hours”

Peace of mind is a choice one makes to deal with life’s adversities. It’s a lesson I’m still learning myself.

Over the years, I’ve made many assumptions about how my twin brother, Aaron, deals with myasthenia gravis (MG). I assumed he had made peace with the condition since his diagnosis in 1999, even though I knew it was a traumatic and life-altering event.

Aaron has worked to manage his anger, as it can exacerbate his MG symptoms. But I had convinced myself that he was a Zen master who could control his emotions effortlessly. At times, I’ve even written about him as if he were one of those surfer-dude philosophers in a quirky dramedy who teaches people the meaning of life.

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I long had this vision of Aaron as a guy who never gets angry, stays safe, sits at home, and has been at peace with MG since his diagnosis. I think I needed to view him this way to deal with the trauma of seeing him change.

But Aaron is human — of course, he gets angry! He told me he struggled a lot with anger in his 20s and 30s. We will be 51 this year, and while he still gets upset, he knows he can’t let his emotions control him. It took him decades to find peace of mind; it didn’t happen overnight.

I realized this point of view helped me avoid talking about MG with Aaron. Because he never talked about his illness, I assumed he just didn’t want to, when in actuality, I was the one who didn’t.

I needed to believe he was OK with developing a life-altering condition at a young age for my own peace of mind.

Making peace with adversity is a lifelong journey, and not a destination. Now that we talk more openly about his condition, I can see Aaron’s reality more clearly, without projecting my own version of my twin onto him. I don’t mean to sound like I’m self-flagellating; I’m just trying to correct my mindset about my twin.

Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.