My twin with MG has learned to curb his anger; I should follow suit
Given the link between his emotions and his flare-ups, he moved toward control
A quote attributed to Siddhartha Gautama, known as the Buddha, says, “You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” In other words, no matter how much we feed it, anger never has a full belly. The more we feed it, the more we destroy ourselves. We understand this truth as adults, but we still get angry.
I pride myself on keeping my cool. I consider anger to be a luxury emotion. Unless it’s channeled correctly, it’s useless and causes more problems than it solves. The emotional release can feel good, though.
The last time I got upset was several months ago. I live in Manila, in the Philippines, and some stranger yelled at me on the street for being a foreigner. I’m ashamed to admit that I argued with him, but I walked away before I did something stupid. Afterward, I calmed down by meeting my twin online at a video conference from New York City.
I didn’t consider how potentially inconsiderate it was to do that until recently. I’d almost gotten lost in anger; my twin, Aaron, has myasthenia gravis (MG), and getting angry only worsens his condition.
Anger is thus a luxury that Aaron, in America, cannot afford.
Interviewing my brother about anger
We’re both comic book fans, so we watch “The Penguin” series on HBO and then call each other online to geek out about it. But Aaron recently had strabismus surgery, which aimed to fix his misaligned eyes. After that, he was dealing with side effects; post-surgery, his once tear-filled eyes became dry and itchy for weeks. His doctors said the side effects would last a month, so he had to miss most episodes of “The Penguin.” I was disappointed about that.
During an online chat, I asked him if he gets angry, and if he does, what he does about it.
“Of course I get angry,” Aaron said. “I get angry all the time. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to control it. I try to channel it into something else.”
Aaron was diagnosed with MG in 1999 when he was 24. I remember him telling me that the doctor had to pull out a medical book to explain what it was. While there have been advancements in MG medications and research, Aaron was flustered by how little his doctors knew then.
Aaron got angry often then, and it amplified his MG flare-ups. His muscle weakness was so severe back then that he needed assistance buttoning his shirt and tying his shoelaces. It was almost like his limbs were paralyzed, and I realized only recently that he must’ve been burning with anger.
“I didn’t have the strength to do anything,” Aaron said, referring to those early days. “MG made me so weak at times, so even if I got mad, what could I do?”
I asked if his MG flare-ups are as intense now as they were then. He said they were still bad, but not as intense as when he was diagnosed.
I also asked him what he does to control his anger. I either lived with Aaron or stayed in constant contact with him for almost 42 years before I moved to Manila. I can’t remember the last time I saw or heard him angry in the past 20 years.
Aaron said listening to music, reading comic books, playing video games, watching anime, and going on walks keep him mellow. He also said that our life-or-death geek debates about comic books also keep him chill. He looks forward to our debating and micro-dissecting comic book stories, TV shows, and films as much as I do.
I told him that he’s too stubborn with his comic book opinions, and sometimes, he frustrates me to the point of anger. He laughed and said I should learn to control that.
I’m waiting for Aaron to catch up on “The Penguin” so we can have our talks about it. But questioning Aaron about anger made me realize I treat it more like a luxury than a destructive emotional temptation. I may not have as much self-control as I thought.
Also, Aaron grapples with anger like anyone else but manages it for the sake of his MG flare-ups. Meanwhile, he stays cool even when I call him to describe getting angry at some stranger.
He’s cool even when he watches other people get angry, which is hard because anger is extremely contagious; a 2016 article in the British Journal of Social Psychology called it an “emotional contagion.” I don’t pretend I’ll never lose my cool again, but I want to be more like Aaron. If I easily lose my cool, it won’t help our relationship.
Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.
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Florence
Thank you for this article! Great perspective