How my twin with MG has learned to process anger over the years

As I get older, I’m learning that peace of mind is priceless. Anger now seems a worthless luxury in a chaotic world. Most of the time, in fact, we tend to get angry about things we can’t control or that aren’t worth our temper.

I live in Manila, the Philippines, as an expatriate and freelance writer originally from New York. Getting angry, even if warranted, just isn’t going to help me as a foreigner. Yet I won’t pretend that I never get angry. Learning to control those feelings was a hard-fought battle in my 20s and 30s. I often try not to show anger now and instead suppress it.

That made me think of how my twin, Aaron, who has myasthenia gravis (MG), copes with his anger. Being angry or stressed exacerbates Aaron’s MG flare-ups and muscle weakness. We’ve talked about anger before, but not in depth.

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Here are the ways my twin tries to work with this set of feelings:

• Process the anger, never suppressing it
• Avoid triggers to make anger less likely
• Decompress

Those were hard-won lessons for him.

I asked Aaron when he last got angry. A few days ago, he replied. He still goes to the gym, modifying his workout given his MG, but because it’s summer, he said, the gym is full of young people hanging out without working out, often making videos of themselves for social media.

That makes him angry, he said, because they’re taking their youth and vitality for granted and wasting the opportunity of the gym. Further, they were preventing him from getting a thorough workout as they took up space doing little.

But Aaron said he was able to process this anger and dilute it rationally. He knows he can’t control what other people do in public places, especially in New York City. Why get angry at something he can’t control?

Then he tries to avoid the triggers by going to the gym during low-traffic hours.

It took Aaron a long time to learn those steps of his process. In his early years with MG, he sought to suppress his anger, which made his MG worse. It’s a conundrum: In his words, he has every right to be angry, but he can’t get angry.

“Woosah!” I said. We both laughed. It’s a reference to the 2003 film “Bad Boys II,” in which Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence) would employ a trick he learned in anger management, suppressing the feeling by saying “Woosah.” Other characters in popular media have similar tricks, we’ve noticed; for example, George Costanza’s father (Jerry Stiller) would say “Serenity now!” on “Seinfeld.”

But suppressing anger only bottles it temporarily. The anger will explode sooner or later. It can be funny when it happens in film or TV, but not in real life.

Aaron said that the only reason he learned to process anger properly is because he finally accepted how he’d been suppressing it. I thought of how Aaron had recently undergone strabismus surgery to correct his decades of severe eye misalignment. Back then, people would stare at him. I can’t imagine the anger that caused.

In the next parts of his process, Aaron seeks to remove all triggers that could make him angry. When he figures all of that out, he said, he then decompresses as much as possible by playing video games or listening to old-school soul and R&B.

Trying to decompress without processing the feelings, he said, is just a temporary fix.

I was happy to hear about his system. We’re getting older, and throwing tantrums as we did when we were young is useless now. If anyone has a right to be angry, it’s Aaron, but he strives to stay as chill as possible.

This conversation was a reminder for me to not take peace of mind for granted. I’m learning from Aaron’s process; I suppress too much, and I’m too old for that now. Good anger management skills are usually the required fee for peace of mind.

Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.