Accepting a challenge, because I want to be who I choose to be

My sister has been accomplishing incredible marathons and runs ever since the two of us failed a running attempt during an event with our yoga club.

I can’t help but feel both proud and jealous of her accomplishment, but it hurts even more when I tell people I was there, but not running, and they reply, “Duh. Of course, it’s not you.” It simply destroys me.

I wish I were one of those trendy girls who moves effortlessly from Pilates to mountain trails. But instead, I spend my days behind my laptop, saving energy, calculating every physical effort, and telling myself, “Nah, sports are not for me.”

Until I realized it is not sports. It’s myasthenia gravis (MG).

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Pushing my limits

I have never been afraid of pushing my limits, whether physical or mental. I love challenges, just as much as I strangely love the intensity of the crash we feel when we fail. I deeply believe that the sadness, disappointment, and helplessness we feel in those moments can become real turning points. That feeling has always reminded me why I should not give up.

But feeling breathless and in intense pain is not a normal part of sports. People do not take months to recover after a run because their body reacted with a flare that forces them to stay home for weeks. That is not pushing through. That is something else entirely.

In school, I was terrified of sports class. I was not yet diagnosed back then, so I couldn’t get permission to sit out, so I always ended up crying, unable to move, or even falling from exhaustion. No one realized how helpless I felt.

Now that I understand my body better, I want to try again. And honestly, it feels like one of the biggest risks I have ever taken. I want to attempt a 5 mile (8 km) run for a charity event that is raising funds for cancer.

The cause is meaningful, but the challenge feels overwhelming. My coach and my doctor say that with the right plan and preparation, I can make it by the end of May. I just hope MG will be kind enough not to trigger a flare before then.

I have already started active walking — not with a strict progressive training plan, but with a do-what-you-can approach — and my limit is around 3 km, so far. I still have not found the courage to try running yet.

MG is not my only challenge; I also have fibromyalgia, which affects my foot tendons. They are constantly inflamed, and I deal with ongoing pain. I am trying to manage it with physiotherapy and massages, but it is a slow and frustrating process.

Finding my answer

So why am I doing this?

Because I want to be who I choose to be, not who my condition defines me as. I want to sweat, cry, and cross that finish line with shaky legs. I want to find out if I really hate sports, or if I have just hate exhaustion.

And maybe success will not even mean finishing the race. Maybe it will just be in showing up, trying, and respecting my body.

Living with MG has forced me to redefine what effort looks like. It is not about pushing harder at all costs. It is about knowing when to push, when to pause, and when to adapt. I am both excited and terrified. But I know this is a turning point. And whatever happens, I will finally have my own answer.

Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.