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How to Stop Feeling Like a Burden
When my MG was at its worst, I felt like a burden to my family. I felt like I was holding them back by being so physically weak. No matter how many times they told me I wasn’t a burden, I never believed them.
Have you ever felt like a burden? How do you get over that mentality? What would you tell someone who felt like that?
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6 Replies
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I’m not sure that burden is the right word but I definitely feel that I no longer uphold my fair share at home. As an example, we are preparing to put our Christmas decorations for both the inside and outside of the house. For decades, I always did all the outside myself. Now I’m lucky to do 25% of the work. There are many more areas that I used to be able to do so much more. I am very lucky to have an incredibly understanding wife but it still bothers me.
Logically I would tell someone that all they can do is the best they can but emotionally it’s not so cut and dried.
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I think everyone feel the same about this. My husband now does a lot of the work around our caravan and tent. Luckily we decided to scale down, sell the house and permanently move into the caravan, before the flare-up hit me big time beginnig of this year. A while back I fell and my hubby could hardly help me ti my feet. I was devastated and cried for days untill my GP, a Homeopath, subscribed a natural anti-depressant: Lithium Orotate. Now I can get through the day and don’t feel so useless. I insist on doing the beds and sweeping the tent and gazibo although I sometimes wake up and Hendrik had done the sweeping also.
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Before I retired I bought a small country farm. That was a natural since I had always been outdoorsy. I looked forward to keep milking my Nubian dairy goats, making cheese, and selling at a local farmers market along with my duck eggs. On the way to pick up a micro dairy, so I could licensed, my eye lids kept dropping. Made an appointment with my GP, told him what was going on, he said “Myasthenia Gravis “. The blood test confirmed it, he had seen two MG patients back when he was an intern. The five years later, the result has been I don’t do near what I used to do. I no longer milk my goats, don’t make cheese, not my vision of retirement. However, I do vacuum the house, wash the floors, and do the laundry. Not near what I used to do, but I contribute what I can. Yes, there are times I feel like a burden, but I do what I can.
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I cannot keep my house as clean and often cannot complete cooking our supper. Fortunately, I have a very helpful husband. But, I do fall into the trap of feeling I’m a burden, even useless at times. We met some people in another town recently and went to the botanical gardens. However, I could not walk very far even with a borrowed walker. Fortunately they had a wheelchair we could borrow. But, I felt like I had ruined everyone’s time. They all insisted that they understood and all was okay. I felt better about it the next day. But I was pretty upset at the time. COVID fears limit my outings severely. So, I think isolation is a burden we all feel.
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Like most, I can’t do what I once did, and for that I do feel like a burden. I have a very small world and because of that my husband’s is smaller. We moved 3 years ago to a Florida retirement community. I haven’t been able to participate in the activities I had hoped. I encourage my husband to play as much golf as he wants. But there are many evening events that we don’t attend because I can’t.
But I remind myself over and over again, not to judge myself for what I can’t do. AND that I battle MG and other health issues every day and I’m still here and somewhat functioning, so I won that battle that day!
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I can’t speak for someone who has MG, and as a caretaker only. What I can tell you is that every moment with you is precious to them – and they wish that you knew that, truly. They have put themselves in your place as best as they know how, and the treatment that they give you is what they believe that you would be doing for them had it been them instead of you.
Let them love you, as that is what they really desire. They just want more moments with you – more opportunities to cry again, to laugh again, to smile again, to grump again…..to be you again. They don’t see you as the disease. They see you with a disease. Mostly, they see you.
The best thing you can do is share with them. Let them share their life with you, as you. They ask nothing more. Just allow.
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