One troubling aspect of chronic illness is when I find myself losing empathy
We don't often talk about how chronic pain can make us colder and less tolerant
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In Algeria, we say that no one truly feels the pain of lava stones except those who have been burned by them before. It’s our way of saying that pain creates empathy, and that suffering opens the door to understanding others.
When I was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis (MG), this proverb described me perfectly. Suddenly, I felt closer to people living with chronic illness, as if we belonged to the same invisible club. I became more patient, gentle, and attentive to pain, whether physical or psychological. I believed illness made me a better human being.
This empathy slowly expanded beyond people with chronic conditions. I found myself more sensitive to psychological struggles, too. Anxiety, sadness, panic, depression, and fear of the future — I could relate to all of it, because living with a chronic disease brings you face-to-face with all of these emotions. I became softer with people and more understanding of their fears, breakdowns, and moments of weakness. MG, in a strange way, opened my heart to the world.
Until it didn’t.
Matters of the heart
Lately, I’ve noticed a switch in me. Something invisible clicked in my mind. I am tired, not just physically, but emotionally, too. Tired of adapting. Tired of surviving. Tired of constantly negotiating with my body. And with that tiredness, my empathy started to fade.
At work, for example, when someone is stressed about a presentation, I find myself internally laughing — not because I am cruel, but because my brain instantly compares their stress to mine. A presentation feels insignificant compared with waking up unsure if your legs will carry you through the day, or if your lungs will cooperate when you climb a few stairs. I hear their anxiety, but inside, I minimize it. I catch myself thinking: “This isn’t real suffering. This isn’t something worth breaking down over.” And then I feel ashamed for having that thought.
Elsewhere, every time someone reaches out to me for help, I feel provoked, as if their need for support is unfair, as if they don’t see how badly I’m struggling myself. My brain whispers, “How dare you ask me to hold you when I am barely holding myself together?” I feel invaded by other people’s pain, even though I know this is not who I want to be.
This is not a pretty side of illness. We talk a lot about how suffering makes us more empathetic, compassionate, and human. But we rarely talk about how chronic pain and constant fatigue can also make us colder, less tolerant, and more self-centered. Some days, my emotional capacity is empty. I have nothing left to give. And instead of recognizing my limits, I turn this emptiness into judgment.
I am writing this to be honest, not to excuse myself. Living with MG is not a calm river; it’s a winding road. Some days, I am deeply compassionate. Other days, I am hard, impatient, and emotionally closed. This instability does not make me a bad person; it makes me a human living under constant pressure.
What scares me isn’t losing empathy for a moment, but rather getting used to it. I don’t want my disease to shape me into someone I don’t recognize. I don’t want bitterness to become my default language, or pain to become my only reference point for what is valid or not.
Today, I admit it: Some days, I hate MG. Sometimes it feels like a bitter friend I wish I could ghost. But I can’t break up with it, nor can I fully embrace it. All I can do is notice what it’s doing to me — not only to my body, but also to my heart. And maybe, on the days I feel myself hardening, I can remind myself that pain does not cancel out other pains. It only asks to be seen, not to dominate the whole world.
Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.
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