Sometimes myasthenia gravis whispers, ‘You’re not enough’

I always try to keep a good attitude toward my myasthenia gravis (MG). I often say it’s a bit like having a clingy best friend who follows me around, whether I’m celebrating a win or collapsing in exhaustion.

But there are days when MG isn’t just a shadow in the background. It becomes everything. It takes center stage and makes me want to throw everything away — my plans, my dreams, even my relationships — and just curl up in my cocoon of sadness.

Not once, not twice, I’ve thought about breaking up with my boyfriend — not because I don’t love him, but because I love him too much. During my flare-ups, when I can’t walk, breathe, or even hold a fork, the thought starts echoing in my head: He’d be better off without me.

It’s not logical. We’ve built years of memories together, navigated our careers, and grown as individuals. He’s seen me at my worst and still chooses to stay. Yet the voice inside whispers louder: Why would a person stay with someone who’s constantly ill?

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I try to protect him from the weight of this illness, sometimes by pushing him away. I think he sees that as me questioning his choices, or his ability to decide for himself. But what I actually feel is something many people with chronic illness won’t say out loud: I feel like I’m not enough. And if I can spare him even a little of the discomfort, I want to. Isn’t that what love also is — protecting those we care about, even from ourselves?

Only recently did I realize something crucial: I was trying to protect him from me, but also from MG. But in doing that, I was giving this disease even more power over my life and relationships. I was turning it into my entire identity.

This realization crushed me.

Because MG is a part of my life, but it’s not who I am. I have a body that sometimes fails me, yes, but I also have a heart that still loves deeply, a brain that still creates, and a spirit that still fights.

I don’t want to be reduced to my disease — not by doctors, not by strangers, and especially not by myself.

And I don’t want my relationship to become a constant act of overprotection or silent suffering, either. What I actually crave is something much simpler: the right to be sick without guilt. To be helped without shame. To love and be loved without conditions.

That’s what this illness taught me, beyond fatigue, medication schedules, or emergency room visits. It’s taught me vulnerability. The courage it takes to stay soft when your body hardens. The strength it takes to keep showing up for someone, even when you don’t feel worthy of being loved.

I know I’m not alone in this. Many people with chronic illnesses live with the quiet, persistent fear of being a burden. But I hope we can start saying it out loud more. Because shame grows in silence, while love, real love, grows in truth.

So no, I won’t break up with my boyfriend.

I’ll break up with the idea that I need to be perfect to be loved.

And that’s a much healthier ending.

Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.