Not asking anymore why I developed myasthenia gravis

When it comes to illness, we like having a reason for it.

When my stomach hurts, I ask myself what I ate. When I catch the flu, I wonder who I might have gotten it from. So when I was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis (MG), my first questions were “How did this develop?” and “Where did it come from?”

Even though doctors have told me there is no one explanation — that it can be caused by many factors or sometimes by none that can be identified — I have never been fully satisfied with that answer. I’m left feeling that something is missing. As if understanding the “why” would somehow make living with MG easier.

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Giving up looking for explanations

Illness has sometimes been explained as the body’s response to emotional pain. Some relate autoimmune diseases to unresolved trauma. Others believe the body attacks itself because it is trying to send a message. I’ve even been told that maybe I do not love myself enough, or that my illness is simply my body’s way of distracting me from problems by forcing me to focus on my muscles, my breathing, and my weakness instead.

Have I experienced difficult moments in my life? Absolutely. Like everyone else, I have lived through disappointments, losses, and painful experiences. But do I think they are the reason I developed MG? I do not.

I struggle with the idea that my own body would deliberately become my enemy. I have always tried to stay aligned with myself, to respect my values, and to move through life honestly. I prefer believing that my body is constantly trying to protect me, even when it fails to do so the way it should. It seems far more logical to me than believing it consciously chose to destroy itself.

There are still many unanswered questions. Sometimes, I even wonder if MG is as rare as we think, or if thousands, maybe even millions, of people are living with it without being diagnosed. Because its symptoms are often subtle, fluctuate from day to day, and can easily be mistaken for stress, fatigue, or countless other conditions, generalized MG can be especially difficult to recognize.

But then I asked myself a question that completely changed my perspective: Would knowing exactly why I developed MG actually change anything about my life?

My honest answer is no.

I spent years trying to give meaning to my diagnosis. I wanted an explanation that would make everything feel fair, logical, or, at least, understandable. But searching for a reason did not help me breathe better. It did not make me stronger. It did not remove the fatigue or the uncertainty. It simply kept me mentally stuck in a question that may never have an answer.

That’s not unlike how we relate to grief. We often spend enormous amounts of energy trying to understand things like why we lost someone we love, believing that the answer will somehow ease the pain. Most of the time, it does not. It only delays acceptance.

So I have decided to stop searching.

I’m no longer trying to find a magical explanation hidden in my past or listening to every theory that claims that my mindset alone could explain my disease. Instead, my focus is now on something I actually have control over — helping my mental health keep up with a chronic illness, learning how to move forward, slowly pushing my limits toward the life I want, and allowing myself to grieve my health in a healthy way.

That is already a full-time job. And for now, it is enough.

Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.