Getting Past the Fine Print When Agonizing Over a Decision
But after my MG diagnosis and all of the trauma that came with it, I became someone who doubted not only the big decisions, but also the small ones. It felt like MG made my life grind to a halt.
Normal events like summer vacations and hangouts with friends were no longer things I could agree to without a second thought. What if my weakness became so bad I had to visit a hospital while on a trip? What if I started to cancel so many visits with friends that they would eventually stop inviting me?
I even doubted myself on small choices. Dinner and a movie were activities I had to really think about; what if my stomach started acting up because of my medications?
MG had invaded my thought process in a way I couldn’t have predicted. Every decision I needed to make came with its own fine print. Whichever way I chose to go, MG would always bring difficulties and what-ifs.
But after years of living with MG and eventually going into remission, I finally decided not to let it completely control all of my choices. While MG would always be something I’d have to consider in most of my decisions, it wouldn’t necessarily be the controlling factor.
Of all the different lessons I’ve learned since being diagnosed with MG, this has been the most important one. I had to live my life the way I wanted to. I had to stop using MG as an excuse not to do certain things. It was OK to still have those what-ifs in my head, but the best I could do was to have a plan in case something went wrong.
I also had to stop thinking of these what-ifs as the worst outcomes in the world. So maybe I started to experience weakness while on vacation. I just needed to put some extra effort into making a backup plan.
If you’ve recently been diagnosed with MG and are experiencing the same kind of doubt I did (and sometimes still do), remember this: Your MG is everything and nothing at the same time. Sometimes it will control most of your decisions. That’s just the nature of the disease. Other times, it won’t even need to be taken into consideration.
We live in a big world with a lot of different opportunities, and I don’t plan to let MG hold me back from them. Even if I have to make a different plan, I’ll still get there in the end.
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