Guest Voice: I’m navigating bipolar disorder and MG, my dual diagnoses

I'm only beginning to learn how to handle this new insight into my health

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by Wayne Seward |

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For most of my life, I’ve dealt with deep depression, often lasting for months rather than a couple of weeks. I never imagined that I had bipolar disorder because I’d only felt down and never a more hyper up.

At age 70, however, my life today is a balancing act between bipolar disorder and generalized myasthenia gravis (gMG).

My wife and I have our own business, providing engineering documentation for architects throughout California. Most days, I’m grateful that I have this business. I work from home and interact with our customers over the phone and the internet. It’s just my wife and myself, and she runs the business while I’m the nerd that looks at building blueprints all day long.

I’ve been grateful to own a business because it’s given me the freedom to take care of myself while I’m figuring out how to deal with my diseases.

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Getting a name for my symptoms

A nearly balding man with a slight smile, a blue polo shirt, and a gray goatee and mustache sits at a table of what appears to be a booth, with a brick wall and the bottom part of largely white painting behind him. His hands are folded in front of him on the table, with a pair of sunglasses nearby.

Wayne Seward wants to start a conversation about mental health conditions in addition to MG. (Courtesy of Wayne Seward)

About three months ago, I experienced a nightmare storm of stress, deep depression, and gMG symptoms that was less than fun. I’d never experienced anything like it before. It was like living in a cloud. A week after it started, I realized that I couldn’t remember anything that I worked on or did the previous week.

Had I understood what was happening, or maybe not been so dumb, I would’ve stopped all work the first morning it began. However, I didn’t understand what was happening or what the source of the problem was. And worst of all, I didn’t realize I was in trouble.

Two weeks later, I finally had enough clarity to gain a better understanding of the problem. The first thing I did then was reach out to my psychiatrist, as I believed gMG was a contributor but not my major problem. I told the psychiatrist about my depressive event, explaining that I’d never experienced anything like it and that I wasn’t aware of what was happening around me. I said I felt like my brain had been cloudy, and I needed help.

I’m lucky that within a couple of days, I was able to meet with this doctor, who thought my condition sounded more like bipolar disorder. After two months on a medication to treat it, I’m finally starting to feel better. It’ll most likely take another month to clean up the mess I made of all our work products.

Two weeks of living in a cloud isn’t anything I want to deal with ever again.

I believe this episode happened because of that storm of stress, gMG, and bipolar disorder. My lesson is that I need to pay better attention to how much stress I’m holding on to and learn how to release it before going into another nightmare experience.

Making changes, with help

Like many people my age, I’m a victim of my past. I was always told that we don’t discuss emotional issues with others — that I needed to suck it up and work harder to control my emotions. Most of my life, I’ve been ashamed of my depression and learned to hide my problems from others.

Fifteen years ago, it all came to a head, and that was the first time I went to see a mental health provider. I asked the doctor to just sign off on whatever he needed to do because I didn’t want to be there.

Fortunately, the doctor persuaded me to return. I’ve been receiving mental health treatments in the forms of both medication and talk therapy ever since and will continue for as long as I need them. I wished that I’d seen someone many years earlier.

While I’ve read many articles talking about how MG can cause depression, I now understand how that can happen. What I haven’t seen is anyone discussing how they deal with lifelong health issues of this sort along with a gMG diagnosis. Nor have I seen ideas about how to recognize when another health issue collides with gMG, or what we can do when that happens.

I’m glad I decided to reach out to a mental health professional. My experience prompted me to write this column, as I imagine that I’m not the only member of our small community dealing with this sort of issue.

To submit your own Guest Voice for publication on Myasthenia Gravis News, please email your idea to our columns manager at [email protected] with the following included in the subject line: “Guest Voice: Myasthenia Gravis News.”


Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.

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