Getting Past the Fine Print When Agonizing Over a Decision
Before I was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis (MG), I didn’t second-guess myself too much. In fact, I don’t think I doubted myself any more than any other person does.
But after my MG diagnosis and all of the trauma that came with it, I became someone who doubted not only the big decisions, but also the small ones. It felt like MG made my life grind to a halt.
Normal events like summer vacations and hangouts with friends were no longer things I could agree to without a second thought. What if my weakness became so bad I had to visit a hospital while on a trip? What if I started to cancel so many visits with friends that they would eventually stop inviting me?
I even doubted myself on small choices. Dinner and a movie were activities I had to really think about; what if my stomach started acting up because of my medications?
MG had invaded my thought process in a way I couldn’t have predicted. Every decision I needed to make came with its own fine print. Whichever way I chose to go, MG would always bring difficulties and what-ifs.
But after years of living with MG and eventually going into remission, I finally decided not to let it completely control all of my choices. While MG would always be something I’d have to consider in most of my decisions, it wouldn’t necessarily be the controlling factor.
Of all the different lessons I’ve learned since being diagnosed with MG, this has been the most important one. I had to live my life the way I wanted to. I had to stop using MG as an excuse not to do certain things. It was OK to still have those what-ifs in my head, but the best I could do was to have a plan in case something went wrong.
I also had to stop thinking of these what-ifs as the worst outcomes in the world. So maybe I started to experience weakness while on vacation. I just needed to put some extra effort into making a backup plan.
If you’ve recently been diagnosed with MG and are experiencing the same kind of doubt I did (and sometimes still do), remember this: Your MG is everything and nothing at the same time. Sometimes it will control most of your decisions. That’s just the nature of the disease. Other times, it won’t even need to be taken into consideration.
We live in a big world with a lot of different opportunities, and I don’t plan to let MG hold me back from them. Even if I have to make a different plan, I’ll still get there in the end.
Note: Myasthenia Gravis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Myasthenia Gravis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to myasthenia gravis.
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Scott L Paris
Thanks for this post! I feel you have articulated my daily struggles. The problem I have is being a living confusion to others. They may see me on my feet with a cane one moment, and not know why I can't even get out of bed the next. Some of my healthcare providers understand better than others the precarious nature of MG. This only adds to my cardiac problems in not being able to plan even minimal routine exercise regimens.